Mad Mike's Proposed Cabinet

DISCLAIMER These are the people I intend to invite to be members of my cabinet upon election. Their appearance here does not constitute endorsement of my campaign or even necessarily the knowledge that they're being considered for nomination. You can expect to see regular endorsements, deletions and additions as the weeks progress.
Nominated for:	About the Candidate
Minister of Truth	John Scalzi is a newspaper reporter gone straight. He can not only find out the facts, he can tell you why everything you've heard about them is probably stupid. See here for his excellent deconstruction of the foolishness of anti-Flag desecration laws.
Minister of Labor	Some of you may be aware that Eric Flint is a Trotskyite. I don't agree with much of his philosophy. Nevertheless, he has a master's degree in history, years of experience as a union organizer, and if I want to know what Labor is thinking, this is the man to tell me. A smart leader consults with people who disagree with him. Yes men are a hindrance.
Minister of Exotic Deaths	Mike Kabongo (Photo witheld for Reasons of World Security) As Minister of Assisted Darwinism, Mike's job is to help the world back to a better balance by weeding out those who should not grace it with their existence for reasons other than stupidity. He will do this in a fashion that serves as an entertaining object lesson, and as a revenue generator on pay per view. His Ministry is nicknamed "Chainsaws and Cluebats" for a reason. Mike will be tasked with dealing with such ilk as child molesters, reality show producers, homicidal emo kids, Wahhabis, terrorists and abusers. If you think his skin is black, you should see his soul.
Minister of Chippers	Nathan Balyeat served as an enlisted Marine where he learned the joys and skills necessary for crushing lesser men in combat and on the rugby field. He has little patience for fools and even less for the willfully ignorant. Currently in the civilian sector, educated as an historian and earning a living in information technology and management consulting, he awaits the day where he can apply all of his myriad skills to efficiently winnowing the gene pool of the terminally stupid as the Minister of Logchippers.
Minister of Economic Development	Nursultan Nazarbayev is the President of Kazakhstan. He has led them to pay off their post-Soviet IMF debt 7 years early, is promoting a growth of 9% per year, has built a stunningly gorgeous new capital, promoted recovery of part of the Aral Sea (destroyed by Communist economics), is developing their energy industry in oil and uranium and has presided over a reduction in income tax to a flat 10%. I want to see what he can do with the world.
Minister of Offense	Tom Kratman is my choice for Minister of Offense. Because there is no better defense, and the Colonel (retired) is just slightly to the right of Genghis Khan. Mercy is an interesting concept -- a concept foreign to him, but intriguing in a distant, sort of academic way. Should my Administration need to fight, be assured it will be bloody, brutal, overwhelming and horrific, the way war should be.
Ministrix of Internal Security	Yes, we all know that's a polite euphemism for Palace Torturer. Nicki Fellenzer insists on rusty forks and hydrochloric acid. It's rare to find such dedication in an artist these days. Traitors can resist, but she'll enjoy it.
Minister of Education	Bill Kephart is an academic philosopher, noted recluse, and all around hateful man. His first task as Minister of Education will be rounding up all the politically correct teachers, administrators, and students for the logchipper. After that he will build a merit based practical school system from the ground up.
Minister of the Environment	Mr. Harry Paget Flashman pledges to drill for oil in the ANWR and abandon the Alaska oil pipeline in favor of 10' deep ditch in order to increase the oil throughput. He favors repealing the ban on dynamite for fishing, a 3 day cattle hunting season in December and June for veterans, and alternatives fuels for coal fired power plants, such as railroad ties, tires and Styrofoam packing materials. A 26 year career Naval Officer, he rose to the rank of Lieutenant and served in two wars. His exposure to Agent Orange, Sarin, nicotine, lead, alcohol, MEK, TCE, PCB's and asbestos, coupled with his littering and voiding his bowels on 5 continents and pumping bilges and low level nuclear waste in the littorals of over 75 countries gives him a unique perspective on the environment.